23 things I've learnt, realised and discovered about myself whilst being 23

This time (at 2.00am as I was writing this) in exactly 12 hours and 3 minutes. 24 years ago I was born into this world, yep if you haven’t already guessed it, this is indeed my yearly birthday post. Grab a cuppa, put your feet up- it is a Sunday after all and enjoy! 

Another year older and if I’m honest I’m starting to feel it, funny as that sounds I'm not that old but I think this is the first year I don’t actually feel excited to turn another year older. I think once you stop hitting those mile stones 16, 18 and 21 you kind of just look at your birthday as another year to turn older, wow okay that sounds depressing but for me it feels bizarre to say. Usually on the eve of my birthday I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach reminiscent of Christmas Eve, awaiting the birthday celebrations the following day but this year I feel, kind of normal. 

23 has been a tough year to say the least I write this one after a few glasses of wine (which surprisingly I’ve found helps me write better- but also something I'm regretting the next day hello wine hangover) my auto correct corrected ‘tough’ to ‘rough’ and I guess you could say it has been that too. From leaving a whole 18 year’s worth of education behind this year, including the biggest 5 years of my life being the ones spent at university. I embarked reluctantly into the adult world and tried my very hardest to cling to the job ladder and figure out exactly what it is I want to do, whilst questioning if what I thought I wanted all along is really, what I want. 

I decided not to make much of a fuss this year given being 23 hasn’t gave me much to scream and shout about so today as you read this I’m probably clutching my stomach and complaining to who ever will listen about my food baby I’ll have induced from my Carvery before hand.
I decided spending my birthday going for a Carvery kind of made perfect sense given it’s Sunday and roast dinners are made for this day. I want to spend the day with the people I love whilst just taking some time for me and really reflecting on this past year which is ultimately what I’ve done here for this post. 

I wanted to share with you some of the trivial things I’ve realised and discovered about myself in the past year, whilst also reflecting on some life lessons in the past 355 days.

"I think once you stop hitting those mile stones 16, 18 and 21 you kind of just look at your birthday as another year to turn older, for me it feels bizarre to say. Usually on the eve of my birthday I feel butterflies in the pit of my stomach reminiscent of Christmas Eve, awaiting the birthday celebrations the following day but this year I feel, kind of normal."

First off and most obviously I still have no idea what I’m doing 

Which I think is probably in the top 10 answers to leave a twenty something year-olds mouth in a survey on family fortunes (ding) It's actually quite reassuring to hear others my age say the same. Being in your twenty’s is a weird one it’s the decade where everyone is each at different stages in there life, settling down, getting married, buying a house, learning to drive, breaking up, out partying every night or hanging up their dances shoes for nights in with Netflix. Your twenties is a journey all different, all with a different end destination before arriving at 30 (not to say your life is figured out when you’re 30 because I’m pretty sure it isn’t) This past year I’ve been taking a long time to focus on exactly what it is I want to do and how I want to get there and really I still have no clue.

Finding a job is possibly the worst endeavour ever 

Honestly the worst. Among writing cover letters, doing your CV, updating your portfolio, attending interviews, getting turned down for interviews, getting declined before you even make it to the interview and repeat x100 pretty much sums up the past year in a nut shell.

But it has taught me that I’m extremely resilient with a great ability to bounce back
Though that's an extremely hard one to admit, it is true. It's human to feel down and fully defeated after being turned down for a job for a day or two, I've certainly experienced that once of twice this year but it's the strength you find within you to get back up and get back on that horse- as the saying goes. It reminds me that I can do it, I can keep that confidence and keep positive, I've always prided myself on being a happy-go-lucky person and I think that's one thing I've definitely learned about myself this year. 

Does everybody really hate me at 23? 

That's a saying right? Or did I just make that one up? I’ve certainly found myself asking that question several times this year. 

 Friendships are harder the older you get but you need them 
Since leaving university I have to admit it's been hard to see friends, either because they've now moved away or because we are all busy. You definitely need a friend schedule as you grow up. It makes things challenging to say the least but you come to learn that the friendships that stand the test of time are the ones you put the most effort into and receive it back. 

I love to put Avocado with everything 

If there's one thing I have realised this year it's that I’m a bit of an addict when it comes to avocado. I’ll find any excuse to put it with salads, eggs, chicken, you name it. Most of all though, burgers- trust me on this one. 

"Your twenties is a journey, all different, all with a different end destination before arriving at 30 (not to say your life is figured out when you’re 30 because I’m pretty sure it isn’t) This past year I’ve been taking a long time to focus on exactly what it is I want to do and how I want to get there and really I still have no clue."

Foals will always and forever be my favourite band to see live 

This year I seen Foals for the 7th time! I found myself being completely taken aback by how incredible and mind blowing they are to see live, how the energy and atmosphere you experience at a Foals gig is like no other. For me they hold a lot of nostalgic connotations so each time I get to see them live it makes me realise exactly what it is I love about them so much like revisiting a memory and feeling all the emotions come washing over you again. 

Seriously my hair needs dying again??
Going blonde could probably be the best and worst thing to happen to my life. I just wish it didn't need re-dying every. goddamn. week

Manchester is probably one of favourite places on Earth 
In October last year I visited Manchester for the first time with Jay to attend The Neighbourhood Festival (another cheeky blog post for you here) I vowed that I had to return at the first given opportunity. I fell absolutely head of heels with the city and could 100% see myself living there one day.

 I’m still learning what adulting is 

I mean I think we all are here? I’m not alone here right? 

My obsession with Tom Holland has gone through the roof 

I meannn... to be totally honest with you I don’t think I’ve ever had a celebrity crush quite like it, can you blame me though really? *drools*

Which from that has made me realise I'm a bigger geek than I thought I was 
Sometimes I even think I'm a bigger geek than Jay now, I'll often be explaining theories or asking him if he's watched the new trailer for 'said film' or he's heard rumours or spoilers about particular things. Towards the end of last summer we had a major binge on all the marvel films and this year we did the same with X-men. He often laughs at the person I've become since we first met, to be totally honest I think he's bought the geek out from within.

"I've always prided myself on being a happy-go-lucky person and I think that's one thing I've definitely learned about myself this year."

Making an online zine is hard but it’s so worth it 

Amongst advertising, sending emails, designing the website, getting in touch with creatives, photographing, writing and putting everything together this year I launched my first ever online magazine (I covered in a more detail in a blog post here). 

It’s quite possibly one of my biggest achievements and working on it brings me a tremendous amount of joy. It was something that I wasn’t sure I could do, and again something I guess I didn’t think I had the confidence to do but I’ve done it and issue 2 is on it’s way at the end of this month! 

Sticking with working out does pay off
I wrote a post a few weeks ago covering this so I won’t go into detail again (if you fancy a gander you can read it here) Having started working out this year and really sticking to it has made me not only feel better about my body but it's also made me feel a whole lot better in myself too. 

Life will never be the same after Game of Thrones 
I think I still shock even myself when I speak about how much I adore Game of Thrones, I know it certainly still shocks Jay. After picking up the series very late this year and spending an entire month and a bit catching up on the series so far all before the final ever season I fell utterly head over heels for it and became incredibly invested in it. And now it’s over, well tbh I don't think my life will ever be the same. 

Procrastination will quite possibly always be a part of me 

As much as I’ve tried to fight this one I’ve had to give up defeat and admit that procrastination will always be a part of me. I've found that many times my downfall for leaving things to the last minute is by doing things that don’t need doing instead of the things that do, or putting them off for as long as physically possible. But from that I think it's also taught me that

I'm a perfectionist 
I mean something I've always known but has became even more apparent to me this year. Once I get started on the thing I've been putting off, or I get started on something I want to put a lot of effort into I can't leave alone until it is completely right, it's symmetrical, it's centred, it's spelt right, it sounds right you name it until I'm fully satisfied you can guarantee you won't lay eyes on it, until I'm ready for you to see it. 

I don’t know what I’d do without my boyfriend 

Seriously I don’t. This past year my boyfriend has been my rock, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to lend. Quite honestly I don’t know where I’d be without him. Not to go all soppy on you (I am) but having him by my side has given me the strength when I need it and the confidence to do things when I doubt myself the most. he's there for a cuddle when all I want to do is cry and he tells me I’m an 100 on days when I feel like a 0. I love the absolute bones of him, in every single way. This past year would have been awful without him. 

I want clothes I don’t need them
This is also something I covered in a blog post titled 'I haven't bought clothes for 6 months heres what I've learnt'  This year my relationship with buying clothes has 100% changed for a variety of reasons. But one of the most important things I’ve realised this year in regards to my attitude to shopping is that I’ve stopped buying less things I don’t need, less of the one off statement pieces that go with one outfit and one outfit only. I started thinking about the pieces I did need, wardrobe staples that can be styled in a variety of different ways because when I thought about it those were the pieces I didn’t actually have that I needed. I don’t know if it comes with age the desire to simplify and refine your wardrobe or perhaps it’s just a phase but right now building a capsule style wardrobe with the key pieces I need to recreate different looks as a pose to lots of mismatched pieces seems a whole lot more appealing. 

"23 has taught me to believe in myself more and push myself more, have the confidence and drive to do the things I questioned I could do and to know that I can. To know that I am enough."

I still love photography 
Whilst working out this year exactly what I want to do. Amongst those things I found I still love photography. I lost a lot of confidence for a while over questioning my ability about being good enough to do it but it’s one thing that's stayed consistent in my life that I've always loved to do and most importantly makes me happy. It’s something I’ve at least tried to keep consistent with throughout the past year, this next week I even have an exciting shoot I’m lining up for my online zine, Everytime Zine. 

I still have so much more I want to see
After visiting Croatia last year this fact became quickly apparent to me. it made my desire to travel and explore new places that bit stronger. I realised exactly how much beauty there is out there and how much I still haven’t seen. Next on my list is France or Italy. 

Taking time for yourself is important
Whether it’s taking a bath and having an early night, a face mask or taking the time to do some yoga I’ve learnt the importance of just taking some me time, spending a little time on my own with my own thoughts sometimes does the world of good, more than I led myself to believe. 

And last but mostly importantly 23 has taught me to believe in myself more
and push myself more, have the confidence and drive to do the things I questioned I could do and to know that I can. To know that I am enough.