No, your eyes do not deceive you. This is really a new blog post, I know I've even surprised myself. The last time I posted was March, yikes! So I can only but apologise for my absence. What with finishing uni, then going on Holiday and lots of just little happenings in between I've been quite the busy bee.
I've got a lot of content planned for over the coming months so fear not I am back for good, for now.
Every 365 days I like to revert to a quite space of reflective thinking (though technically less than 365 if you count the days before my birthday writing this.) But every year my birthday rolls around I think about not only the things I've achieved in the last year but also the things I've achieved from the beginning of my life- woah that's deep (though I'm not counting my first steps, or learning to tie up my shoelaces- though I do still have a certificate for learning to do that..don't ask why).
This year especially I'm in full on reflection mode and particularly thinking about my 5 years spent in university (foundation and counting my placement year) and my, my, my has that flew past. That subject in particular though I'm going to write about in a separate post because I think that's something many, many people have gone through whether it be leaving university or just coming to a crossroads in your life that makes you stop and think bloody hell now what.
This post though especially in terms of my birthday I wanted to make slightly more upbeat (I say slightly because the more I wrote this post the more it became me just telling myself off and getting hella deep about a lot of things).
I may be among the few but I love my birthday and honestly without sounding at all selfish or self obsessed my birthday, I feel it is a day to celebrate me and all the accomplishments I've had in life. A chance to celebrate all the things that have shaped me and ultimately made me, me.
I think not only the point I'm at in my life but me being the nostalgic person I am I recently stumbled upon a few of my old diaries- yes I am that person. Not many days in young Paige's life would pass where I wouldn't be writing 'Dear diary'. Though sometimes I am extremely thankful for having wrote down memories for me to remember. Sometimes it's quite nice to read back on things that happened and others quite sad and a lot of the time when I do look back I feel different ways. But one thing that's solidified for me is how much I have changed in ways for the good and for the bad- mostly good though.
So for this post I wanted to not so much write a younger letter to myself but reassure and tell my younger self that hey things weren't quite as bad as they seemed and that I didn't turn out too bad, human like the rest of us.
The challenges I faced and the decisions I made all shaped me to be the young (I still am right) 23 year old that I am today.
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The future will fall into place
Believe me it will, sometimes not as quickly as you hope or definitely not as smoothly as you would hope either but it will, one way or another. Just take each day as it comes and everything one step at a time. What will be, will be.
The decisions that seem the hardest now aren't half as hard as the ones you'll have to make in the future
Choosing whether to skip Science or Geography for the third consecutive week may seem like a big decision right now- right who cares if that's a bad decision or not?? But really you're going to make some tough and some hard decisions in life it's all part of growing up. And you will learn the saying is true the hardest decisions are the most important ones. Some of your decisions will take you to places you wouldn't even dreamed of going and you know sometimes you'll surprise yourself.
You aren't fat
Though you write it in your diary every day you're not and even if you were, who cares? You are you. Every woman is different all shapes and sizes. And what ever you are you need to stop defining and putting yourself into a box and most of all you need to stop beating yourself down everyday because its exhausting and it gets you nowhere.
Getting a boyfriend isn't the be and end all
Really whats that about? Enjoy being single, enjoy just having fun. Stop focusing on finding guys who are interested in you and let that happen naturally because believe me it will, boy it will. You will find someone worth waiting for, stop messing about with time wasters, especially ones who talk to you when they have a girlfriend.
Depression and anxiety can happen at any time
You have anxiety and you do suffer from depression. You aren't weird or stupid (believe it or not other people have it too, you'll learn that from a zoella video where she describes EXACTLY how you feel) and the sickness you feel that comes with the anxiety definitely isn't butterflies so stop telling yourself that and it definitely isn't something you ate, the anxiety you feel is different to every other individual. And for another don't let that immature idiot you are dating tell you that anxiety can be curred by sending you an NHS help page. You'll learn to cope with your anxiety and through it you will become stronger and braver. It'll always be there but it will get easier to cope with.
There's no time frames in which to do stuff
Everyone's life is different, for different reasons so for that reason we all take different journeys. That means sometimes things happen either earlier or later in life, that is completely normal.
You will start university a year later than hoped, but it doesn't matter because believe it or not you are all finished with university by 23 and that's still young, you still have you entire life ahead of you to do what you want, when you want. Don't let other people pressure you into thinking its too late to do something, or too early too. It's not its when you feel its right.
Moving away from a toxic group of 'so-called-friends' is the best decision you will make
They aren't your friends and they never have been. Walking away will make you feel stronger and more worthy than they ever made you feel being around them. Don't waste your time on them, walk away and don't look back.
It's okay to not like everything else everyone likes
Believe me you become the cool girl people like to like when you start listening to your own music and discovering new band. Side note: you are going to fall head over heels for Foals and you won't find anyone in reaching distance that likes them and that is OKAY, that is cool. You will be called indie and that is a GOOD thing. Stop listening to crap for the sake of liking what everyone else likes and when it comes to clothes wear what YOU want to wear, it'll only make you an individual and hey you might even start a blog (you do)
Popularity isn't everything
It doesn't make you better than anyone to be popular and it certainly doesn't make you cool (in the long run) and do you know what everyone loves an underdog.
Don't ever take your loved ones for granted
Hug them and be there for them everyday, they care about you and they love you don't be so hard on them and they wont be on you.
Don't ever forget those who stand by you
Sometimes the people who care about you most are right under your nose. Remember those ones who stand by you, through thick and thin because those are the ones who truly care.
It's always better to be honest than hide your true feelings
Being honest makes you a stronger person and really people will thank you for it, even if that does mean people will rear that ugly head or show a side to you, you don't like in the end it'll be worth it because you were honest with yourself.
Stop layering your vests up
Seriously what was is that about, is that even a trend?? Just stop seriously just stop and please STEP AWAY FROM THE YELLOW. Phew, just wait until you're blonde it'll suit you better. Yes, yes you do go blonde.
Stop being an attention seeker on Social Media
Stop signing in and out on MSN to make someone notice you, and stop putting statuses on Facebook all the time. If someone wants to speak to you, they will and if they don't more fool them they aren't worth your time anyway.
Don't think anything is too hard for you to achieve
You will get into university, don't let a few knock backs stop you. You will smash the time spent there, deadline after deadline you will come out the other end even if at times you'll find it damn hard SO DAMN HARD and in the first weeks you'll want to leave. You'll do a lot of crying but you'll have a lot of happy times, exhausting, fun happy times.
Oh and doing the foundation course is the best decision you'll make it'll make you stronger and set you up ready to do your degree even if its not the best year of your life.
Be impulsive and take a risk every now and again
Girl if you want your nose pierced go for it, you are going to love it. Take a leap and just do it.
Stop wearing so much eyeliner
It just doesn't look good and you're making your eyes look so small. Just wait until you get good at an eyeliner flick and save yourself sometime. That's not harsh that's just the truth
Stop hoarding so much shit.
What were planning on doing with that shell you bought home from the seaside anyway?
Don't take shit, stand up for yourself
You know in your heart what is right, and you know your self worth. Stop letting people walk all over you or call you shit and let them do it again. Who cares if you draw attention to yourself by telling someone to piss off it makes you grow balls and make people take you more seriously.
Don't get so hung up about the small stuff
The small stuff is exactly that, its the stuff you brush under the carpet. The stuff you wont remember in a weeks time and neither will anyone else. Save yourself for the bigger things, the things that really matter.
And definitely stop worrying so much about the small things
You will never stop worrying, but worrying about the small details or the little things that don't mean a lot is a waste of energy and you may find that actually it wasn't worth it in the beginning.
Open yourself up to the things you think you may not like
And that will definitely lead you to becoming a massive Marvel and Star Wars fan and that is cool.
But the same applies to food and too music, or experiences. Don't pre judge, never knock it until you have tried it.
Just be yourself, cringe as it is
Sassy Blonde Paige will come out soon enough
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| Photos taken by: Jamie O'Toole Jeans: Syd and Mallory Top: New Look Trainers: Primark Sunglasses: Primark (Similar: Topshop) |
What's your opinion?