Unsolicited dick pics, monthly mensuration, guys hanging out the passengers side of their best friends ride trying to holler at me, just a selection of examples from a category I like to call ‘the things we receive but definitely never ever asked for’ in particular a prominent addition to that category as late has been the topic of my body, more specifically my weight or my size.
Now regular readers of my blog will know that my body is a topic among many I quite like to frequent on my blog from time to time and that is a decision that came about since writing a post way back in June 2019 titled 'I'm looking after me, my mind and my body...'. Prior to that post I’d started what I like to call a ~ physical journey~ a journey that stemmed both from the need to induce a great deal of motivation or sense of structure into my life, having been out of a job at the time having something to get up to do in the mornings was quite literally a lifeline but it also came about originally from a focus to tone up my body for the summer.
From then whilst my body changed my goals changed with it. Writing a 'Part 2' follow up post from that I spoke about the things I'd changed and adapted to work in line with me, my mind and my body.
For me, writing about my body or my physical journey on my blog I like to reiterate that the desire to take care of your mind is equally as important as your body, if not more so, throughout this time I’ve found that to be the most important lesson I’ve learnt and something I like to keep as my central focus.
For example if I were to be asked at this moment in time why I still get up 4 mornings a week to workout my reply would be that it makes me feel good about myself inside and out. Working out for me isn’t always going full steam into a cardio or a HIIT it’s more a time I set aside to check in with myself, how my mind and my body feels and then responding to that which for some days may mean yoga or a simple body stretch. It’s about knowing what your body wants or needs and knowing when not to push it or when to stop.
This post however isn’t a follow up to my two previous ones nor one to provide you with advice on undertaking and pursuing a healthy mind and lifestyle. I never have or never will inflict that kind of advice upon anyone. Instead I wanted to write more about the views and opinions I’ve had directed in response to my body over the past 3 years I’ve been working out.
"Working out for me isn’t always going full steam into a cardio or a HIIT it’s more a time I set aside to check in with myself, how my mind and my body feels and then responding to that. It’s about knowing what your body wants or needs and knowing when not to push it or when to stop."
Admittedly it’s taken me a long time to write this post, I think you can work that out just by the photos, it’s certainly not shorts and vest weather now that’s for sure. Writing this has certainly bought about a lot of apprehension and hesitation that comes from being very aware of my privilege, speaking as an able bodied, ‘average’ sized woman but for me and my own personal journey it’s a discussion I wanted to have here on my blog.
Since the initial idea to write about my experiences I found others speaking in line with my own opinions on social media, a firm reminder that I’m not alone in my views when it comes to our perception on other people’s body’s. On the other hand like most things, I found opposing views that drove me to write, so here it goes.
Specifically I saw a tweet a few weeks back now with the words ‘I don’t get it when I see skinny people running, aren’t you done??’
Followed up by a chain of responses like ‘it makes me want to trip them up’ ‘eat a cheeseburger already’ ‘you don’t need it, why are you doing it?’
To which my response is what other people need has nothing to do with you and your own own thoughts or beliefs.
Obviously I’m speaking indirectly here but without knowing the reason behind why someone is doing what they are doing, what gives you the right to propose you know what they need?
It works both ways too, why do we assume if we seen a larger person running that they are doing so to lose weight? Weight does not mean unhealthy.
The response I’m making is a reminder to acknowledge that we are all on our own personal journeys in life, with our own own goals in mind, not a body standard set by someone else.
A strong example of that was perfectly illustrated by the queen that is Lizzo during lockdown whereby she posted a video working out and said she wasn’t working out to have ‘your idea body type’ she’s working out to have 'her ideal body type'. Stating that her ideal body type is none of your goddamn business and inviting her ‘body-shamers’ to take a look at themselves first before placing judgement on other people.
She also spoke also about 'health not being determined by what you look like on the outside' instead saying that 'health is also what happens on the inside’ echoing my earlier point.
"What other people need has nothing to do with you and your own own thoughts or beliefs.
Without knowing the reason behind why someone is doing what they are doing, what gives you the right to propose you know what they need?"
I think one thing that still strikes me when it comes to responses to the human body is the multitude and negativity and judgement that people are faced with especially on social media.
Again another perfect example of this is the reaction to recent pictures of Billie Ellish ‘putting on weight’ when in actual fact what we were seeing was a normal woman with a normal body and that’s not to say that 'normal' has a box anyway. Why do we try to place bodies into boxes? To categorise people by their weight, shape or size? A body is a body right? We all have one.
Regardless of whether she is a pubic figure or not, ask yourself why is it that we feel we have the right to comment and pass judgement on other people’s bodies?
More specifically I wanted to speak about our responses to female bodies in particular. Another reason for writing this post was from a place of anger and upset caused by a customer at work when upon helping the said lady and her friend with a item she seemed to be undecided over buying, due to being unsure about sizes. I tried my best to work with what she felt best in and whilst I did I mentioned in response to her struggle with being between sizes that I too found it hard, quite often being between a size 8-10 suggesting that if they made in-between sizes it would eliminate that problem once and for all. (seriously why is that not a thing already??) In her response (I must mention indirectly and not to my face), she turned to her friend and said ‘well wouldn’t we all like to be that skinny, it’s alright for some’. Hearing that deflated my heart, for a start how was she to know I didn’t have an underlying health condition or an eating disorder that physically stopped me from being anything other than 'skinny' for example but regardless of that why should I then have to provide that as my answer to explain why my weight or size is the way it is? Regardless of whether I spend time working my body into the way it is or if I do nothing at all, my body is still my body. All of our bodies are all different, no two the same.
Going into different ground here it’s a similar response we as women have to use when no simply isn’t enough when a guy asks for our number we feel that in order to shut them down we have to say we have a boyfriend. When in actual fact we don’t owe them anything. You do not need to explain yourself or apologise simply for having a different body to someone else, a body you’ve been born into. I’m not disputing that the lady may not have been intending it spitefully or in order to cause harm but the impact of that comment has really stuck with me ever since.
"Why do we try to place bodies into boxes? To categorise people by their weight, shape or size? A body is a body right? We all have one."
As women we should be making one another allies, of course you don’t have to like nor be liked by every female you encounter but ensuring we don’t pass judgement on one another should be something we continually put into practice, what gives us the right to pass judgement on somebody else anyway?
Around the time of that encounter, I came across a post from Nina on Instagram where she shared her experience of being ‘skinny shamed’ speaking again in a similar reflection of my experience having been made to feel upset by a completely uncalled for comment about her body I watched as the comments on that post flooded in from people sharing their experiences too, with one echoing a very similar response to the tweet I referred to at the beginning caused by a comment hurled at someone on a run. It’s important to understand that a purposed throwaway comment can have a huge impact on someone.
"As women we should be making one another allies, of course you don’t have to like nor be liked by every female you encounter but ensuring we don’t pass judgement on one another should be something we continually put into practice, what gives us the right to pass judgement on somebody else anyway?"
Unfortunately I could provide substantial evidence to support my thoughts and opinions when it comes to body shaming, just this morning I came a post from Netflix on Instagram promoting the documentary for K-pop group Black Pink, the video was of their rehearsal for live shows which quite honestly blew my mind actually. Clicking onto the comment section however aside from the expected comments that came in an abundance of admiration, disappointingly there were the odd few comments about the girls themselves one in particular stating ‘why so skinny??’ a comment that was quite rightly met with annoyance and dissatisfaction from people claiming that the person in question was in fact body shaming whether they were aware of it or not.
It’s not just the fact that body shaming like that happens all the time it’s that girls in particular are open to it from a young age teaching them ideas that there body isn’t acceptable at least by made up beauty standards.
During my younger life I found myself browsing through my mums ‘gossip magazines’ before finding myself eventually buying them in my teen years. At the time I never viewed them to be damaging or wrong in any way, I’ve always vainly bought magazines for a celebrity I like on the cover and editorials I’m particularly fond of, the fact that celebrities on those covers were being pulled apart and ridiculed never crossed my mind quite honestly and disgustingly it felt like the norm for magazines at the time. It wasn’t until later in life I realised just how damaging and wrong those magazines are, not to mention invasive. Having now come to that realisation it’s particularly concerning to me that young people have access to that kind of content, I don’t think people realise how much it can actually affect someone until it does and you deal with the implications from that.
"The fact that celebrities on [the cover of Gossip Magazines] were being pulled apart and ridiculed never crossed my mind quite honestly and disgustingly it felt like the norm for magazines at the time. It wasn’t until later in life I realised just how damaging and wrong those magazines are, not to mention invasive"
More positively on a final note I couldn’t not mention recently watching Rihanna’s incredible Fenty x Savage show that showcased her most recent lingerie collection in the form of a visual experience that quite honestly blew my mind. A show that led me to say, holy shit no one is doing it like Rihanna right now. I watched in awe as actors, dancers and models alike, women and men of all shapes and sizes danced, moved and paraded there way across the screen. In what felt like a celebration of inclusivity and fluidity. Quite naturally it led to me to ask the question 'why we aren’t seeing more of this within the fashion industry? Having watched Rihanna prove just how easy it is to have such an array of different bodies at her show why does it feel so new?
Upon writing this post and even now I’m not sure what I was hoping to achieve by writing it, some part of me felt as though it would come across like a first world problem or sound as though I was pining for attention but the more I’ve felt it heavy on my mind the more getting my feelings out and in writing felt right. I hope that in writing this it makes other feel less alone, or at least that it’s something we may have both experienced and been affected by and by knowing that will be able to realise that body shaming is a problem and isn’t something to simply brush off.
I think part of the solution is to normalise our thoughts and feelings towards body image, comments or general nods towards weight, shape or size and make it an open conversation when we feel affected by it. Every body is beautiful, every body’s body, no matter the size, the weight, the proportion, whether you work out, whether you don’t, if you eat healthy or if you don’t nobody and I mean no body has right to pass judgement on that.
What's your opinion?